I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
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When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize