Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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