I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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