I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
