His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
