He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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