apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
