watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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