Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
