So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
