if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
