how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
