i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
