I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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