Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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