Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize