My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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