In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
