god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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