just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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