So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
