They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
