I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
