i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
