I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I didn't notice because vodka
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
