i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
