Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
