I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
