u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
