So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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