So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
