the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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