I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize