airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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