I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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