Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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