you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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