I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
