i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just had sex bonerless
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
