my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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