It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
