You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
