I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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