I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize