Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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