I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I lost the right to judge tonight
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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