U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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