that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my being single is dangerous.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
