what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
