he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
