Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How external is "for external use only"?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
