Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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