Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
