Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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