is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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