fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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