Your dad touched me again.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
