My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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