am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
where does the pee come out of this thing
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
