And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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