This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
